I hope you don’t get the impression that I don’t have sympathy for people with children but I’m 46 years old and I don’t even HAVE children. My dad died when I was 14 and as the oldest child, I had to help my mom raise my three younger siblings. I’m a big sister and I’m also an aunt. I love all my nieces and nephews but I personally decided that I don’t want children of my own. In fact, my husband divorced me in 2003 after 12 years of marriage BECAUSE I never changed my mind about children.
I’ve been in my current relationship for almost a year now. Despite the constant criticism and rude comments, my boyfriend Justin will be 20 in June. He was perfectly legal WHEN I met him. He lives with me as well and we definitely love each other. Justin works but it was MY choice to let him live here rent-free so he can afford child support payments for his 16-month old daughter that he has with his ex-girlfriend April. I make 75,000 a year, so I don’t NEED help financially. Anyway, I was always very nice to April even though she has disrespected me to my face. Even when she fights with Justin, she brings my name up into the argument and just calling me awful, vulgar names mainly pertaining to my age. However, yesterday while Justin was at work, April called me crying her eyes out and apologizing to me over an argument that she had with Justin. At first, I didn’t want to get involved but it turns out that April was in danger of getting evicted from her apartment. Justin refused to give her any more money than what the law requires him to give for his daughter. His position is if April can’t responsibly afford a roof over their daughter’s head then he’ll gladly take custody of her. So, clearly, Justin doesn’t give a damn about April’s well being, he only cares about their child. That’s understandable but I know that April doesn’t want to give up custody of her daughter. I also don’t really want to raise a kid UNLESS she had nowhere else to be; otherwise, I could have my own kids with my ex-husband. So I suggested to Justin that I will give(not loan) April whatever money she needs to keep her apartment and he got very upset with me. He ultimately told me “whatever, do what you want”. Justin almost made me cry when he accused me of not allowing him to be a man because I want to “use my money to control everything”.
That is so wrong. Justin has his own job, he pays for his own car and he pays his own child support for his daughter. He may be living with me for free but that’s simply because I depend on NO man to pay my mortgage, utilities etc. That’s the beauty of independence. Justin’s age is irrelevant. I’m NOT trying to control him. I’m trying to help him. If it wasn’t for me, he’d still be living with his mother(who DID in fact charge him rent) and struggling even harder to support his child. I’m just trying to make things easy for him. So, how could he resent me for it? Would I be wrong if I helped his daughter’s mother out?
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How Do I Convince My Boyfriend That I’m Not Trying To “stop” Him From Being A Father To His Daughter?
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I’m just so happy to hear about someone else who around my age that’s is in a relationship with a guy so much younger! Yay! lol
Anyway, I think it’s very nice of you to offer to help April out even though he doesn’t care what happens to her. It’s kind of sad though. He’s being a bit disrespectful to both of you, i feel. He should learn to be more appreciative, but I know from experience that when you spoil a young guy, sometimes they get too comfortable and begin to overstep their boundaries. Make sure his level of respect hasn’t diminished and make sure he knows you’ve no desire to have any kids living in your home. If he’s going to get an attitude because you’re willing to help April out, then I suppose he’s planning on taking his daughter and moving out on his own? Hope he didn’t just expect that you’d be okay with him AND his toddler coming and living there rent free. A boy toy is one thing…but one with a baby in tow is an entirely different situation. He needs to realize what his options are and bringing his daughter to live with the two of you is NOT one of them. GL
it is none of your business she is his ex, and she needs to work through her own problems.
you may not be a mom but you sure act like one,
Goddamn, you sure do whine a lot.
Try to do some “Family” type things with him and his daughter. Ex: going in a walk in the park,eating dinner together,ETC.
April can’t afford a roof over her head, but Justin cannot either! None of this is your responsibility and you shouldn’t get involved. Whether taking a child in, or helping April out. It’s ok to be nice, but that is too nice. When people are too nice, others (including Justin and April) will loose any respect they have for you!!
I think you need to consult someone other than people on the internet if your this concerned.
Skeptical though I am regarding this story, I’m bored, so I’m going to take it at face value.
Anyway, when you insist on giving people “help” when they’ve made it clear they don’t want it, you’ve stepped over the line into control. And Justin does not want your help. In fact, it sounds like he wants the excuse to take custody of his daughter. So if you don’t want to deal with kids, then march your independent self out of this relationship and find a new boytoy, ’cause this one’s priorities don’t match yours.
I understand where you’re coming from. I do not want children and the only way I’d let one live with me is if they had no where else to go. I would give her a call and offer her the money as long as she doesn’t tell him about it. Just keep it a secret. That’s what I personally would do. As rude as it sounds I wouldn’t want to raise anyones children. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck!
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