I am 33 weeks along (well, almost 34…but whatever). For most of my pregnancy I haven’t had to deal with the father because he made it VERY clear he had no interest. He dumped me at 12 weeks when he realized he wasn’t going to be able to bully or scare me into an abortion. (He kept telling me about all the horrible genetic issues his family has to try and get me to get an abortion. I had genetic testing done…and we’re good.)
It must have just became more real for him because this week he has been harassing me about giving up his rights.
He’s under the impression that he can just sign away all rights AND responsibilities to the child. Meaning to contact, no child support, nothing.
(He says I should just marry some guy who wants to be a dad and let him adopt her. For the record…I’m not even dating anybody, much less anybody I would want to marry)
I don’t personally care if he ever sees her, but I have a problem with him trying to weasel out of paying what he owes. We both made this child, and he is just as responsible as I am.
His new tactic has been to threaten that he’ll demand visitation rights if I “make” him pay support. I told him I didn’t care either way, he could see her or not see her. He admitted he had no interest in seeing her, but wanted to screw with me. (He actually said it. I have the text lol)
He has also been trying to point out that if he pays support, he gets to decide where I live, what schools she goes to, etc.
Oh, and I discovered two days ago that apparently he has a child with another woman. That was his reasoning for why he couldn’t pay support for ours…he claims he only makes $500 a month after taxes and support payments. I personally call bull on that because he works upwards of 50 hours a week and has two good jobs.
Not really much of a question here, except…how do I deal with this? Ignoring him isn’t working. Agreeing with him never worked in the first place. I am ready to just say screw it and let DSHS handle it from now on.
Single Moms: How Do You Deal With The Father?
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Tell your boyfriend from me
Thanks alot d!ckwad for screwing up every other father in the worlds rights.
How do I deal with the father? Easily. Don’t deal with him at all! He’s too much of a self-absorbed individual who I have no time for or who has no time for my beautiful child.
Save the messages, try and print them out or something. Also just keep cool and go to court once the baby is born.
it’s a legal matter in which he’ll have little say as long as paternity is established. laws differ from state to state so get up to speed on your local laws but first and foremost, establish paternity.
Wow you’re going to get next to nothing for support, his first child will come first in the eyes of the law. I would ignore him and just soldier on with your paternity suit, there’s really nothing more you can do but bear the weight of your poor choice.
Well, I liked my ex-husband, which really worked out well for our daughter.
Personally, I could never accept money from a person that I felt nothing but contempt for.
But no matter what you do, DSHS is bound to catch up with him sooner or later.
EDIT:
did I catch on correctly ? as long as someone is agreeing that his choices are poor, you’re all over that, but as soon as Bella mentioned that YOU made a poor choice as well, then you edit at her ? Wonder if this question could count in a court of law that you feel as if he “owes” you for carrying his child, and that you are already holding all of his words against him.
Think it might ?
Actually, with your permission, he can sign his parental rights away. While that means that you don’t get support from him, he will have absolutely no rights to the child.
Save the text messages he sends you, especailly the ones stating he’ll only want to see his kid to mess with you. They could come in handy should this ever go to court.
Let DSHS handle it from now on.
I don’t. To be perfectly honest, my daughter was the result of meeting the wrong man online, and getting into his car too soon. I don’t care though. I love her so much, I don’t think about how I got her.
And I have nothing to do with her father. He was clearly a poison person, we don’t need him in our lives, so I get no support for her. I got a crappy little admin job, boring as hell, but it pays the bills. I have needed a subsidy for day care, but the rest I can cover on my own. And my father recently passed, so we will be buying our own place soon, and I can go back to school, again.
Somehow, although there were tough times, life has managed to work out okay for us.
In your case, it’s time to stop dealing with him directly and just go through court.
“Actually, with your permission, he can sign his parental rights away” = something of an urban legend; courts do not go around leaving children fatherless — generally there must be somebody waiting to take over the responsibility. If you don’t have a new partner willing to adopt this is not an option.
Anyway…
“He actually said it. I have the text lol”
Drop teh dramaz. What do you mean, “Ignoring him isn’t working”? It sounds like you’ve engaged in all manner of petty back-and-forth; there hasn’t been any time where you could’ve been ignoring him.
Just decide what you want to do and do it. Be as pleasant as you can and make all your choices with “What is in the best interests of the child?” as the absolute priority — and be totally honest about what those best interests are.
You really do want to consult with an attorney if the codswallop that passes for legal advice on here is making you go “:)” — judges are not going to be very interested in drama exchanged before there was even a kid around. “Your honour, here is a text message I received while pregnant. It is not very nice!! For that reason I feel he should be obligated to…” No.
Do you even have the resources available for the sort of drawn-out battle where trivia would be brought before the court? It costs a fantastic amount of money to pay a lawyer to deal with that sort of stuff. It is done in Hollywood by people who have too much money — in real life you are looking at tens of thousands of dollars to take a fight to that level in court.